30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Nine

Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. 

Okay, well, I guess the question should be what do I want to change most... There are lots of little things I would like to change, and I'm working on it. But the biggest thing is I want to gain focus! I make up a list of things that need done, and I do an eighth of the stuff on it, loose interest, get tired or just get side tracked and never get finished... Well, eventually I finish, but usually two days late... I hate that about me.

It's my biggest obstacle! Because no matter what I want to accomplish, be it a clean house or lost pounds, I always end up getting half way started and then...

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Eight

What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Seeing how my tubes are tied, I would be running to the hospital in fear of a tubal pregnancy if I were pregnant... And if I got someone pregnant I'm thinking I would be a millionaire! 

But, lets go hypothetical here... What if I were pregnant again... Well, honestly, I don't know that it would really complicate or even change anything at this point. I have 3 children, once you get past the point of the parents having the majority and control, adding a child or two isn't really a big deal. Other than needing some more diapers, I'd me set... So no big deal!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Seven

What's the best thing going for you right now?

My family! Without a doubt! I have the worlds most wonderful husband and three of the most beautiful children I have ever met. At times both my children and my husband drive me up a wall, but at the end of the day they make my world worth living in!

My husband is supportive, generous, hard working, gentle, loving and of course, wildly handsome! My sons and daughter are ridiculously intelligent - sometimes to smart for their own good - generally well behaved and down right hilarious! All in all, I could be anything or do anything with their support - no questions!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Six

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. When I was a teen. I have BiPolar II Disorder, which is mostly depression with some mania mixed in. And whenever I was at a point where the mania and the depression mixed, I would become highly suicidal. I was growing up in a family with very strict rules and ideas about life and simply didn't fit their mold - frankly, I still don't. Our religious, civil and social ideas were all very different. My faith, sexuality and individualism were not just discouraged, but forbidden and things seemed to just get worse and worse. There were quite a few times when I wanted to just give up, and a few attempts as well.

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Five

The reason you believe you're still alive today.

In general? Because I haven't died yet...  The long version, because I owe my life to someone I once loved!

When I was a teenager I attempted to take my life. The first time, I swallowed a bottle of pills, and got REALLY sick, but survived. The second time I tried to hang myself, but the rope broke...  I told a friend of mine that I was planning to do it again, she was supposed to help me get some better pills... But then she was to afraid that she was going to get in trouble and chickened out.. She found an old note I had written her and turned it in to our school guidance counselor who forced my mother to have me committed.

I planned to spend a few days in there, get the pills they were going to give me, and use those... But then, fate stepped in and I met someone that changed it all for me! His name was Jeremy, and he was in there because of some drug issues. All the therapy, drugs and bad hospital food couldn't do what he did. I know it sounds corny, and on some level I guess it is, but when you're 15 and feel like you aren't loved, and someone shows you you can be, it matters! He wasn't like any of the guys I'd been with before him. He was smart, kind, hansom, romantic and honest... Something like I had never met til then. Not only did he treat me like someone who deserved to be loved, but like someone who deserved to live...

We staid in contact for quite a few years after I got out, and dated for a while outside... But we lost touch about 8 years ago. I've tried (recently) to find him, but have yet to be able to. I would love for him to meet my husband and children! I owe them as much to him as I do anyone else. I honestly believe it was him that changed how I thought about me, and my life! I don't regret trying to kill myself, I wouldn't take it back for a second...  Because I met someone that showed me how to love!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Four

Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

For My Husband...

1.) Love of a Lifetime - Firehouse
Because it was our wedding song!

2.) Ace Of Spades - Moterhead
Because when we started seeing each other he would plan this song endlessly!

3.) Hemorrhage - Fuel
This is the only song I've ever seen him get emotional over.

4.) Welcome to the Jungle - Guns & Roses
Because he thinks he's so bad ass...  lol

5.) Hello Darlin' - Conway Twitty
Because he LOVES Family Guy!

6.) Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
Because if this isn't out theme song, I don't know what is!

7.) Butter Fly Kisses - Bob Carlisle
Because even though he loves all his kids, his little girl is his pride & joy!

8.) Buffy The Vampire Slayer Opening Credits Theme
Because we watched the hell out of this show! And still tend to!

9.) Save Me - Shinedown
He would know why - that's all I'm sayin'

10.) Texas Walker Ranger Opening Credits Theme
Because as my hubby will tell you, Song Lists are afraid not to have Chuck Norris on them! lol

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Three

Something you wish you had done in your life.

Oh lord, how much time do we have?  It's weird, because there are a lot of things I would love to have done in my life. Some of which I am in the process of doing or hope to do someday anyways. But I don't think I would want to do anything that would really affect much of my life today.

So, what are some things I wish I had done in my life? Win the lottery, open my own metaphysical shop, write a book, write a cook book, studied nutrition, herbs & natural healing, mastered this whole "natural living" thing...  Hmm... There are so many things... I want to master Tarot & Runes, Palm Reading, Astral Travel, Dream Interpretation and become a better witch-crafter...  Plant a successful garden... 

The list really does go on, and on and on... Really though, I guess there isn't much I wish I would have done, that I can't still do!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty Two

Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

Sorry, this one's going to be rather kinda boring! I mean, there isn't much I can honestly say I wish I hadn't done. Most of the things I wish I hadn't done are like - I wish I hadn't broken my foot! But nothing really big. I don't have any ex-boyfriends I regret or any big scandalous videos that I'm ashamed of... Note, I didn't say there aren't those videos, just that I don't regret them - lol!

The one thing I do regret doing is helping my one friend by letting them move in to an apartment with me. I ended up putting thousands of dollars in to an apartment that I didn't live in and really wasn't even welcome in for the most part. And I never saw a single penny of the money I lent her and her (at the time) boyfriend either... But to be completely honest, if I had it to do again, if she were to call me today and say "I'm stuck and homeless" I would, once again, do whatever I could to help her, and at this point, her children & husband! So I guess I don't regret it enough! But to me, that's just what friends are, that's what they do! My friends are my family as much as my family is!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty One

Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I think this is the easiest question so far... A friend doesn't stop being a friend just because you fight or disagree. Any friend who does wasn't a friend in the first place! And your overall friendship doesn't change because of a fight. So there's no question that I would be in that hospital room, holding their hand and making sure they were getting the best care possible. If we still have things to duke out, we can do it when he/she is better. There's no need to allow anger or negativity to affect what could be a life threatening event.

30 Days of Truth: Day Twenty

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I tend to be an all things in moderation type of person. I don't drink or use drugs of any kind. In fact, it's a rare occasion when I am willing to take an aspirin for pain. However, I don't think that my choice not to take or use these things should have any weight on your choices.

I have grown up with and around addiction, my father, grandfather, and husband have all struggled with addiction, and know first hand the damage it can do. However, I feel addiction itself is not a reason to feel negatively about alcohol or drugs, as many other things - food for example - can be just as addictive yet carry no negative connotations simply for being what they are.

To me, if someone is of an age to understand the possible consequences of their actions and they aren't putting others in danger (driving while intoxicated, etc) no one should have the right to tell them they can't do it. It's your body, and if you choose to use drugs, alcohol, fatty food, cigarettes, or whatever else to damage it - that's your choice! I won't be joining you, but I won't be hold it against you either.

Now, all that said, I feel there is a difference between using and abusing. In moderation, I see no issue with drugs or alcohol. I have a big issue when it goes from wasting some time on the weekends getting high or drunk, and becomes a way of life which stops you from living... For that matter, if you're one of those "functional alcoholics" it's none of my business how often you drink - as long as you're not driving. But when your drinking issues mean you can't hold down a job, pay for your own apartment or support your family - then there is an issue. And again, I feel this way about ANY addictive activity - be it drinking, using drugs or shopping!

So over all - All things in Moderation with common sense and keeping the welfare of others in mind.

30 Days of Truth: Day Nineteen

What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Well, seeing how this blog is mostly based around religious education, religious tolerance and religious beliefs, it would be rather hard for me to say I have an issue with religion in general. However, I am not a big fan of ORGANIZED religion, as the idea of anyone telling me what I am supposed to believe, think and feel is completely appalling! Religion in general however is one of my favorite subjects. I'm always researching and learning about different beliefs, paths, practices and traditions. It's completely fascinating to me as I feel there is no religion which we can not learn and grow from.

As for politics, I am, and always have been, very steadfast in my beliefs, and I have no issue standing up for what I believe in. But I feel that politics as a whole get lost in the drama of Washington. I prefer to stick to issues, and have open and honest discussions, with the welfare and freedom of everyone in mind. But much of the time we hear speeches and reports not about issues or facts, but about who did what when, who said what to whom and where the President may or may not have been born... It's tiresome and mindless! And it's NOT what politics should be!

But when that's all done I am a proud Liberal Democrat, I've said many times and I'll say again - I love my country way to much to be a Republican! I feel everyone, every man, woman & child, should be entitled to live their life the way they choose to so long as their life style causes no harm to another. I'm Pro-Choice, Pro-Woman, Pro-Religious Equality, Pro-Marijuana legalization and Pro-Death Penalty! I feel we should be cutting taxes for corporations which keep and create jobs HERE, and raising them for companies which send our jobs over seas! We should have equal taxes and equal deduction options regardless of income or family size! We should have higher standards for school teachers, medical doctors and psychiatrists. And we should NOT have laws forcing medication, vaccination or medical treatment on any free citizen! In addition we need to place more funding in to green, sustainable and Eco-friendly options for energy, fuel, building materials, farming & food production and consumer products! Healthcare should be made affordable, not by forcing citizens to purchase insurance, but by limiting the costs behind what makes it so outrageous in the first place - medications, malpractice insurance and schooling costs! And frankly I can keep going! It's very simple though, I believe in putting the individual first and making a country where EVERY CITIZEN has the tools and ability to be the best they can be - physically, mentally, spiritually, financially and economically!

30 Days of Truth: Day Eighteen

Your views on gay marriage.

All for it! I'm a very happy and proud BiSexual woman! While I married someone of the opposite gender, I feel I should have the option to marry anyone I choose, even if they happen to be the same gender as me.

Marriage is a legal contract, and to refuse to allow someone to enter in to a legal contract with someone else based solely on their gender or sexual orientation is discrimination and illegal! So how is it that Anti-Gay Marriage laws are even legal?

I have yet to see a single argument against gay marriage that was based on common sense or legal issues. Reasons I have seen are based in homophobic or religious beliefs - Neither of which should be considered when writing laws! And in this day and age I don't understand how people are still so quick to combine religion with politics - You'd think we'd know better by now.

Plus, in today's economy denying couples the right to marry is in fact denying our economy MILLIONS of dollars worth of growth! The average wedding in this country costs $10,000!!! Just 2 extra weddings a week, would provide our economy a $1 MILLION dollar boost! And what is the easiest way to have 2 more weddings a week? Don't limit who someone can marry!

Then there is the matter of why do people get married in the first place? 1.) Because they are in love. 2.) Because they choose to spend their lives together. 3.) To protect their family unit, even if it's only a couple, in case of disaster, loss, sickness or death. 4.) Financial simplicity - Taxes, Insurances and Ownership are all simplified when a couple is married... NONE of these reasons have anything to do with gender or sexuality. Nor do any of these reasons limit one because of gender or sexuality!

So, simply put, If you don't like Gay Marriage - Don't Have One!

30 Days of Truth: Day Seventeen

A book you've read that changed your views on something.

The Idiots Guide to The Law Of Attraction

If you're a long time reader of this blog you know how I feel about the Law of Attraction. But unlike so many others I wasn't automatically won over by The Secret. Sure I thought it all sounded good, but I didn't think it was anything more than hype. I found a copy of the Idiots Guide and read it, and started to see exactly why this phenomenon was catching on so much. While I'm far from a master, I've been taking the exorcizes and other tips from that book and placed them in my life, and I'm seeing a change! I wish I would have found it a long time ago!

30 Days of Truth: Day Sixteen

Someone or something you definitely could live without.

My husband. I know it sounds cliche, but it's very true. I know in my head that if I HAD to go on without him, I could. But I know in my heart that if he were to die or leave, part of me would go with him.

A few years back he had to go away for 6 weeks, and even through my working like a mad woman, dealing with an infant and being hugely pregnant, those were the longest, slowest days of my life. It was like I could hear the seconds ticking, and everyone of them broke my heart. It really gave me a new understanding of how hard it is for military families! I think I would go insane if it were a "normal" thing for us. Hell, there are days when the idea of him going to work makes me want to cry!

Sappy, girly and pathetic? Yep! I sure am! lol

30 Days of Truth: Day Fifteen

Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

 Rich Deserts! I have a huge weakness when it comes to food. I've tried over and over again to cut sugar from my diet and start eating healthy, but I'm always foiled by chocolate cake, cheese cake or boston creme pie! It never fails! I think the longest I've gone was like a week, and then I had to go shopping and came home with half a bakery... It was bad, but it was SOOOO GOOOOOD!

Recipe for Celebration Book

I have decided that I need yet one more project (apparently I'm insane), so I have decided to create a "Recipe for Celebration Book" for my family - which someday, I may decide to publish... I already keep two Book of Shadows and a Book of Mirrors, and apparently, my anal retentive self isn't happy with just 3 books, I need more! lol

Every holiday I seem to be racking my brain to remember what we did last year, what day did we do this, and when did I start getting that ready, what stories did we tell and what did we eat... With an inter-religious family this can get to be a bit overwhelming, and as our children grow, we want them to be exposed to celebrations beyond our faiths as well. So, I decided I need to get organized!


When I was a little girl, my grandmother had the Betty Crocker Cook Book.  It was a big 3 ring binder style book about 3 inches thick and full of awesome recipes for every meal and any occasion. So I've decided to take that and use it as my inspiration.

So here's how I'm doing it... And of course, how you can do your own!

My first step is gathering, typing up and printing out all the songs, stories, recipes, crafts, decor projects, games and whatever else I can think to include in the book... Then I'll be categorizing everything by holiday, sabbat or celebration. Each year, as my family adds to our traditions or makes our own, I will be adding to the book.

And of course, when my children are adults, and have their own little ones, I'll be passing down copies to them so they can relive and enjoy their own family celebrations - or add their own to the book.

Long process? Yes. But totally worth it when it makes me look like Martha Stewart! lol

Mabon Breakfast Oatmeal

Okay, so I don't have lots of Sabbat traditions of my own, and with my children being so young and my husband being Christian, most of what we do have are just little almost unnoticeable things. But I LOVE food! And since Mabon is a harvest celebration I use every opportunity to make the occasion with food! Breakfast is no exception.

Now, I did not write this recipe, to the best of my knowledge it was written by Alicia Silverstone for her "be kind diet." As far as I know Alicia is Jewish, not Pagan, but that doesn't mean the recipe doesn't fit. So this will be what my family is having for Mabon Breakfast!

*Note, the recipe below is for ONE serving, simply multiply amounts by the number of servings you wish to have!

Quick Date & Apple Cinnamon Oats


Prep time: 10 minute / Cook time: 10 minutes
    Total time: 20 minutes

 Ingredients:

    1 cup(s) of organic rolled oats
    2 tbsp. of maple syrup (you can also use brown rice syrup)
    2 tbsp. of chopped walnuts
    1/3 crisp apple, cut in cubes
    5 dates (about), pitted and chopped
    1/2 pinch of fine sea salt to taste
    3 shakes of ground cinnamon
    1 tsp. of (scant) flaxseed oil

Instructions:
  • Bring a kettle of water to boil
  • Combine the oats, syrup, nuts, apple, and dates in a bowl
  • Add a pinch or two of salt, then pour enough hot water to just cover the oats (don’t add too much, or it will be too watery)
  • Cover the bowl with a plate or pot lid, and let the oatmeal stand until the oats have absorbed the water
  • Stir, and add a little more water if the oats look too dry
  • Let the oatmeal cool a little, and then drizzle with the flaxseed oil

Harvest Moon

September is the time of the Harvest Moon. This time of year we gather that last of the crops and celebrate the final harvests of the season. In colder areas we may even start to see frost. Canning and storing starts and there is lots of work to be done. As the earth leans further from the sun we feel the warmth of summer leave and the chill of winter begin to set in.  Without a doubt, my favorite time of year.

Correspondences:
  • Colors: Browns and greens, earth tones
  • Gemstones: Citrine, chrysolite, peridot, bloodstone
  • Trees: Bay, larch, hawthorn
  • Gods: Demeter, Brighid, Freyja, Vesta
  • Herbs: Wheat, valerian, witch hazel, skullcap
  • Element: Earth
This is a month of hearth and home. Spend some time preparing your environment for the upcoming chilly months. If you don't already have one, set up a hearth or kitchen altar for those times when you're cooking, baking and canning. Use this time to clear out clutter -- both physical and emotional -- before you have to spend the long winter days inside.
Also Known As: Wine Moon, Singing Moon

*Correspondences taken from About.com

30 Days of Truth: Day Fourteen

A hero that has let you down.

Damn, these are getting hard! Hmm... I've never really had many heroes.

I think if I had one it would have to be my Aunt. When I was a kid, I thought she was awesome. The "fun Aunt" who had lots of money, a great marriage, her own successful business and loved to enjoy life. As I grew up I discovered she really had none of that. In reality she was an alcoholic, in an abusive relationship who was really miserable inside.

Yeah, I know that one is kinda short and rough, but I've always been the "my own hero" kind.

30 Days of Truth: Day Thirteen

A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Cher,

Through the years I have had a many breaks ups, make ups, ups, downs and more. But your music has been there to keep me upbeat, strong and confident! I have always been able to depend on you for whatever I need. While we've never met, I feel as if you've been the long time best friend every woman should have. When I'm feeling depressed, excited, lonely, bored or simply need some motivation to clean my house, I know I can always rely on you! So thank you Cher, for always being there, being you and making music I know I can always depend on!

I hope, although I doubt, there will ever be another like you again. I almost feel guilty that I have been lucky enough to live in a time with so many incredible one of a kind artists like yourself, Michael Jackson & Madonna, knowing that my own daughter will have to rely on 25 year old greats when she is my age and in need of some support!

30 Days of Truth: Day Twelve

Something you never get compliments on.

Well, I would have to say there are probably lots of things I don't get compliments on, I just don't pay attention. I think the things that I lack compliments on that bother me is things like my passion for green living or that I try to be Chemical free as much as possible. I am a highly passionate person, and when there is a cause to get behind, I make no qualms about doing so. Since these are such big things for me, they are something which comes up a good bit. Yet most people I know see "living green" as a crock or simply feel I go to far. My mother for example sells Avon. I won't wear Avon because of the chemicals in the make up. Instead of complimenting the fact that I am willing to miss out on really great stuff some times just to stay chemical free, she thinks I'm being dramatic and blowing things out of proportion... But in the end I think I'll have the last laugh cause I won't have skin cancer!

Remembering September 11, 2001

Ten years ago today, I awoke to the sound of Howard Stern on my Clock Radio. I hated that man, so I used to set my alarm to his show so I would have to get up and shut it off... Once I was up, I wouldn't lay back down. Well, that morning for some reason I was to lazy to get up and shut it off right away, so I just listened to the show for a few minutes. I heard them talking about an airplane hitting the side of the World Trade Center Tower in New York, and thought, "This is their worst skit ever, what a horrid thing to joke about." But I was feeling to lazy to actually get up and turn it off, so I just listened. It was then, as I actually listened to what they said, that I realized it wasn't a skit. I jumped up and ran in to my mother's room where she had a TV. I turned on the news and watched, as so many other American's did, as a second plane crashed in to the second tower.


I remember that feeling... My knees felt weak, I would say it was like watching a train wreck, but it was worse. I couldn't not watch what was going on, and the words I was hearing from the reporters was like hearing someone narrate a tour of Hell.  I ran down stairs and sat on the couch, feeling like I just had to know what was going on.

I remember for a while they flipped over to talk to reporters in Washington about how "Capital Hill" was responding. And I remember hearing the reporter, halfway through a sentence, stop, and say "It sounds like something just blew up, there was an explosion." And you could see him looking around, the camera was flailing from side to side, til they saw the black smoke and started running. All of a sudden you could hear the reporter as he realized what just happened... "Oh my God, the Pentagon, has been hit by a plane. Oh my God, No!" His usually healthy, stable voice cracked and popped as the truth of what was happening really set in. His eyes showed the terror that he was trying so hard to hide. I don't think I was so good at hiding my horror, but then, I was alone. My stomach felt sick, and I just cried... I didn't yet know it wasn't over or what was actually even going on yet.


The news reports were flipping back and forth between New York and DC. It seemed as if each moment brought one more sickeningly twisted view of men and women literally running for their lives, screaming, crying, searching for loved ones... For a moment it felt like at least it couldn't get worse...  Until it did.


Our local news broke in over the national news to report that a plane had gone down just an hour north of me. If I wasn't terrified before, I was now. At that time I was dating a young man who's father worked for the FAA and who was in Pittsburgh. My boyfriend contact me and let me know that his father had been evacuated from the tower and they were clearing much of the city as well. With Flight 93 coming down in Shanksville, they felt Pittsburgh could have been a target.


My mother was working as a waitress that day, just a few blocks from my house. I called her to make sure they knew what had been going on. She asked me to take money from the bank, just in case. So I walked down to the bank, then to the restaurant... I remember staring up at the sky, watching the sky for more planes, and my radio was in my ear the whole time. What was going on? Why was this happening? Were were in more danger? Was my life going to change?


Most of the rest of the day I spent glued to the television... Rejoicing every time they announced a living survivor. And feeling a small part of my own young life pass as I started to realize just how many lives were lost... Listening to the friends and family of those who were in the towers as they prayed for their mothers, fathers, sisters, lovers and children... And praying right along side them! Then, realizing how desperate the situation for those in the towers were as I watched them, one by one, jump in hopes of at least dying quickly...


When the towers fell, all I could do was sob. I knew then, there was no hope of life ever going back to the way it was. Never! Our country, our world, was changed forever! Had I only known then, how right I was...


I was glued to the television and phone until it was time to head to work. Once they knew Pittsburgh was no longer in danger they allowed those that I knew in the city to leave and talk to family again. I knew everyone I was worried for was okay. But I still didn't know if there was any loss of friends or family or friends of family in any of the other areas... But work was still a must. So I went.

I was working as a hostess then and everyone who I waited on and worked with that evening was a buzz with what was going on, who they knew, who they were waiting to hear from... All of it... But in all that, I will never forget one old man. I waited on him often, he was a sweet old man, never anything but kind, but you could tell there was a story there... I took him to his seat, gave him his menu and told him the soups, like I had so many times in the past. Before I walked away he reached up and took my arm, he looked me dead in the eyes and just said "I'm SO SORRY!" I could see then that he had been crying too. He looked at me and said "I am to old to see how this ends, but I am praying for your generation! Today, is the day of your Pearl Harbor, and everything you knew, is about to change. I am sorry!"  I couldn't even speak. Somehow I think I mumbled the words "Thank you" before I ran in the back to cry... He was right, and I knew it!


That was 10 years ago, and it's hard to believe everything that's happened in that time. And how fresh the wounds still feel after all this time too. In many ways, that day changed my life. I didn't loose any loved ones, I didn't end up going to war ... But that day changed my life none the less.

As the facts about what happened that day came to light, I realized it just how wonderful this country really is. And it was the greatest aspect of us which those extremists wanted to squash. It was that freedom to be who I choose to be, the freedom to have the faith I choose, the freedom to be a strong, proud and happy that they did their best to destroy that day. Terrorists attacked our country and destroyed the lives of thousands upon thousands of people all because the freedom that we take for granted is in fact taken for granted... So I decided that day, not to take it for granted... I decided that day if I was ever going to be the person I chose to be, I would need to honor those who died by taking that freedom by the reins and living the life I choose!

A few weeks later I moved out of my mothers home, and started down a path which would lead me to be the person I am today. Obviously I'm not perfect, but I am who I choose! I have embraced that freedom, I have made a difference, and I strive to do so every day. I grew up in a home where patriotism and politics were not welcomed due to religious beliefs. So it was totally new to me. But it's been a welcomed change in my life, and in many ways, shaped me in to the freedom fighting, strong, happy and proud American!

Gods Bless America!

30 Days of Truth: Day Eleven

Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Without a doubt that would be how absolutely gorgeous my kids are. I know every mom thinks her kids are the worlds most beautiful, but in my case, I'm right! lol

It's rare that I go anywhere without at least one of my children in tow, and frankly whether it's just people being nice or not, I never get tired of hearing how wonderful they are. Obviously no one needs to tell me, but I always like some reinforcement of what I already know! lol

I won't say I'm the worlds greatest mother. I such at housework and have trouble with crafts and games, but I make some smart beautiful kids!

Chillin on the back porch!

30 Days of Truth: Day Ten

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know...

I don't think there really is anyone I need to let go of, but people I wish I didn't know? Plenty! Number one, is my dad. When I was 3 my mother remarried and the man adopted me, they divorced when I was 7. At the time he was a good hard working man, but he was also a drunk and he chose to abandon my sister and I in favor of his new family. Who he then abandoned in favor of yet another one...

Today he is a low life crack addict who thinks of nothing and no one but himself! While I'm not his only child, I am his oldest. And that means I'm the one the creditors call. I'm the one who gets the questions from random people who knew him. Before I was married and changed my name I couldn't set foot in a bar without hearing "Oh, you're Scott's daughter." Now I have to hear the bad daughter speech from everyone because I won't speak to him. For whatever reason my mother insisted on having him at my wedding. And he came to see my oldest son ONCE. I don't believe he even knows I have the other two. And frankly, I like it that way. He's far from the ideal grandfather and my children are much better off without his influence.

My brothers would be too! Unfortunately he's stayed in their life more than he has mine and my sisters. When one of my brothers was just 10 years old, my dad told him that "It's okay to use Crack, as long as you don't get addicted." Yeah, not really the person I want my children calling "Grandpa!"

I live, fearful of what would happen if he decided he wanted in our lives. Or what would happen if he died. I am the oldest of his children. I am his "next of kin" since he is not married. And I would be responsible for things like a funeral and burial, not to mention his hundreds of thousands in debts... Not only do I not have the money for that, I don't feel I should have to be the one to deal with it. My sister is the only of his kids that is above 18 besides me at this point, and she doesn't have any more money than I do. I wish there was a way to divorce him as a parent!

30 Days of Truth: Day Nine

Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted...

When I was a young girl my mother made friends with some of the other parents from the kids at school. One of them had a son my age, his name is Chris. When we were just six, Chris asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He kissed me! And I thought I was in love.

When I was 16, he told me he loved me, and I was in love again! We had been nothing but friends for the last decade and on some level had always loved one another. So being together only made sense. But my mother hated him. She thought he was the "bad kid." And she wasn't entirely wrong. But because of her issues, we broke it off, knowing we could be together later.

And we were. When I turned 18 I was dating a kid named Ken. He was only 14 at the time, but I have never cared for numbers. He was only 3 years behind me in school and when I was 14 I had dated people 18, 19 and in their early 20s. So I didn't see an issue. Anyways, I moved out of my mother's house and in with Ken when I turned 18. But Chris was always there. And once I was out of my mother's house, we were free to be together. So we were.

I got to the point where I had my own apt. but I never staid there. I was either staying at Ken's or at Chris'. They both knew about each other but weren't all that worried about it. We were all pretty open... I loved Chris, part of me always will. But one night we got in a fight and I left. Ken asked me to marry him right after that, and I said Yes. Partly because I was angry with Chris because he hadn't.

He never forgave me for that. And about a month later I showed up at his apartment, and he had moved... No forwarding address, no nothing. I haven't seen him since. I've looked for him. But his friends will tell me nothing! And all these years later, I feel kinda dumb looking for him, not knowing if he would even want to see me. Plus, being I'm married and wouldn't actually be looking for anything beyond a friend at this point, I wonder if it would even be worth it to find him now...

30 Days of Truth: Day Eight

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit...

When I was a young girl I was really the poor kid, the dorky un-popular kid... But I didn't know it til later. There were people on and off through the years that made my life rough, but I can't actually think of any that were ongoing or that even mattered enough for me to remember it all these years later... So while I'm sure there were plenty, who at the time would have met this criteria, now, only one stands out.

I covered in an earlier post what an ass my step father was. And above all others he was the worst person I had in my life - ever! He would come in to my room, and throw my things away, make me get rid of clothes he didn't like and once after I had saved for 3 months to buy these shoes I loved, he took them from me when I got home from buying them because he said they were "Nigger Shoes." (yes, he said that)

I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone who wasn't white, he was against me listening to music or watching television. And he even told me that if I wouldn't leave he would make sure my mother "got rid of me like she should have in the beginning."

He was, and is, a bastard, a wife abuser, a step child abuser, a racist and truly one of the lowest forms of life I have ever met  -  And where I'm from, that's saying something!

30 Days of Truth: Day Seven

Someone who has made your life worth living for...

My regret here is that I only get to pick one! Undoubtedly my husband! Of course I would love to say my children too, but this says someone, not some group... So I'm just going to focus on my one - my husband!

I was always one of those people who wondered about the reality of things like soul mates and love at first site. Til it I fell in love at first site with my soul mate! He walked in the room and blew me away! Something just drew me to him and I had a NEED to be with him! Six months later we were basically living together and never without one another!

No one believed we would ever make it this long. In fact I remember my mom saying "Why don't you just have a court house wedding and wait til you're 5 year anniversary to have the big one. That way you'll save money cause no one expects you to make it to 5 years..." Well, we celebrated our 5 year anniversary (6 1/2 years after she said that) in February of this year, and we're stronger than ever.

We've had a few bumps in the road! But it's only made us stronger! I'm not going to say we are the perfect couple, but perfect is boring!

30 Days of Truth: Day Six

Something you hope you never have to do...

I think this one is a no brainer! I hope to never have to outlive my husband or children! Just thinking about going on without any of them breaks my heart! I think the hardest thing a wife ever has to go through is the death of her partner. And no one would question the hardest thing for any parent is to bury their child! Not that I really want them to have to go through burring me, but I think I would loose my mind to loose any of them! They are, without a doubt what keeps me sane, driven and loved!

30 Days of Truth: Day Five

Something you hope to do in your life...

Open a Pagan Community Center and Shop! Since I was a child I have always wanted to own an old fashioned cafe' and book store. But as an adult I have expanded on that to a metaphysics shop with an education center and small cafe'... I want it to be "THE PLACE" for local Pagans, Witches, New Agers and the like to gather, hold meetings and celebrations, shop, and most of all share! I want to hold classes on everything from Islam to Wicca, Green Living to Herbal Healing and even Seasonal Crafts! And I want it to be so much more...

Of course, it's a dream! But without dreams, what do we have to reach for?

30 Days of Truth: Day Four

Something you have to forgive someone for...

Again, I tend to be the type that forgives rather than not. But to be honest I still have a lot of anger around the way I was raised. My mother made what I feel were LOTS of mistakes raising us and in many ways it ruined the relationship I wish I could have with her. I understand why she made the choices she made, but I'm not sure that makes it easier...

The one thing I don't think I have ever been able to get past, and the major thing I have yet to forgive her for is her third husband. He was a horrible man! Angry, abusive - to her and me - and SUPER controlling! He was just an ass! I asked her not to marry him, not even to bring him around. But she didn't listen!

Once they were married he thought everything in our house - and it was our house, not his - was his domain and therefore his to control, tear down and destroy! He would search my room, he physically and emotionally abused me and she would take his side. He made a point never to lay a hand on me when she was home, and he was always smart enough not to leave marks - on me or her. But when I would say something to her, she would, and still does, say it didn't happen and insist I made it up.

Thankfully they were married for just a short time and then he was out of our lives. 

I do my best to forgive others. I know that carrying that anger only hurts me, not them. But I'm not sure this is something I can forgive. Or at least not something I can forgive until she is willing to admit that she screwed up.

30 Days of Truth: Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for...

To be honest, I'm someone who is really good about forgiving myself, and others. I find letting go of mistakes to be the most positive thing for myself. But there are a few things that I have yet to forgive myself for, and those are going to be hard to get past.

Most things in our lives we are able to let pass and make up for. But when we loose those we love there is no going back! Of the few regrets I have, the one thing I feel I truly need to forgive myself for is not being more forceful with my father's family when I was searching for him and had enough guts to speak up when I finally did.

My mother and father were never married. My mother married her current boyfriend and didn't know he wasn't my real father. - She way young... No big deal. - But when I turned 18 I knew I wanted to find my real father. I wanted to know my family! I wanted to know where I came from. Well, I found my grandparents - I waited on them every day when I worked for the restaurant. They refused to tell me anything, refused to even let me get close! I wish now that I had put my foot down and demanded they tell me how to get a hold of him.

When I finally found out how he was, he turned out to be someone I waited on at least a few times a week. I wanted so bad to go introduce myself. But every time he came in I lost my nerve! One day after he left one of the other girls there asked "Is that your father?"  to which I answered "Yes, how do you know?" At which point she said he had just told her he was my father and he had apparently asked her how my life had been going. I guess he was as nervous to talk to me as I was to him.

So at that point I decided the next time he came in I would talk to him, no matter what. Every day I went to work and looked for him. I waited for him to come in... But he didn't. A few weeks later I was pulled in to the office by one of the waitresses. She said "I wanted to let you know that your father passed away. I know you didn't know him, but I did, we were close. And I'm sorry!"

That was December of 2002. And I have to say, it's still hard to think about. It breaks my heart to think that I will never know him. I will never know what he knew of me. I will never know what he was like, was he a fan of jazz, was he a lover of the winter or the spring, was he an animal lover? I'll never know any of that... But worst of all I'll never know if he cared. I'll never know if he loved me... And I feel as if it's MY FAULT... All I had to do, was speak up sooner!

One Million Moms Against Dancing With The Stars

I am a big Dancing With The Stars fan. Although I missed the first few seasons I haven't missed a second of the last 5 years worth of seasons. So of course, like 15,000 other fans I sat through last Monday's episode of The Bachelor Pad to hear the announcement of the new cast members. As they worked their way down through the cast there were those I automatically got excited for, those who I can't wait to see voted off and those who I have never heard of before.

Of those I was excited to see were Carson Kressly and Chas Bono. I absolutely love Carson, he's just happiness embodied. I strive to be as positive as he is! LOVE LOVE LOVE HIM! Chas, I'm kinda a legacy fan of his... I am a HUGE Cher fan. Like, stand 18 hours in the snow to wave at her HUGE FAN... So the fact that her daughter, now her son, has become such a face for change on a subject that I am already rather active for, is amazing!

However, as we all know, for every person out there who is passionate about supporting the LGBT community there are 2 out there who prefer to be angry about it. We are at a point where that is starting to change, but unfortunately it's not changing quite as fast as we would all like. And even more unfortunate is the fact that so many don't understand that there is not enough activism out there. I live in a small town, there are no anti-gay picket lines, there is no one with "no gays" signs in the windows... Locally, in my day to day life, there is no outward issue to speak out against. So it's easy for people to become rather lackadaisical about standing up for the issue.

Then, something like this year's DWTS cast happens and the entire country is abuzz with the debate between Gay rights and Anti-Gay activism. This morning on Good Morning America the up-rise over the presence of Carson and Chas on DWTS was brought to the attention of the general public, including myself.

Many people recognize the "American Families First" group as a "hate group" or as a group built entirely to use their rigid beliefs to push an uber conservative agenda on the US. One of their underlings, the One Million Moms group is the apple that didn't fall far. They are a group of mothers (there is also a One Million Dads group) who aim to "clean up the country through email activism. Until today, I had not heard of them, but now I think I will be paying more attention.

The idea is simple. Moms from all over the country banning together to make changes. Which in my opinion is a wonderful thing. The problem comes in where they feel changes need to be made. While most groups like this aim to make positive changes which are based in love and tolerance, this group prefers to base it's "need for change" on hateful, ignorant, and bigoted views, which they happily accredit to their faith.

Overall the set up of the group is simple. Any time a conservative Christian mother sees an issue with something in the media they email the mother group who then takes action. They contact their followers and ask that they join them in boycotting and harassing companies and people in to changing to fit their agenda. Recent champagnes have targeted Levi's Jeans, Finish Line Inc. Sesame Street and now, Dancing with the Stars and ABC corp.

They are currently instructing their members to "Email ABC Network and let them know that we will not tolerate LGBT subjects being forced into our homes." Adding that "DWTS airs 8/7 central when children are awake and Christian families will not enhance the ratings by watching the show unless these cast members are replaced."  So they are essentially asking ABC corp to deny someone a job solely because of their sexuality. This is NOT activism! This is NOT "Christian family values." This IS Hate, Intolerance and Discrimination!

Here is the pre-set email they have for their members to send ABC:
As a mother and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I strongly encourage ABC Network to reconsider their celebrity casting choices for "Dancing with the Stars" this season. I am extremely concerned that ABC feels the need to be politically correct instead of creating show as strictly a dance competition. ABC has crossed the line in pushing the LGBT agenda into what some families would consider safe entertainment.

Some programs in the entertainment industry have gone too far on controversial issues, and "DWTS" is now one of them. This show airs twice a week 8/7c while children are awake, and for ABC to promote a destructive lifestyle is irresponsible.

I am prepared to join thousands of other voices in urging advertisers to place it on their "do not advertise" list and consider pulling all ads from the entire ABC network in protest of this now highly offensive program.

If this is meant to be a family-friendly show, then I hope ABC will take this request seriously and replace Chaz Bono and Carson Kressley (who was added last minute anyway because of another cast member's injury) in this season's lineup of "DWTS". Otherwise, Christian families will not enhance the ratings by watching the show when it returns September 19.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.
While I do NOT understand this idea that the LGBT community is somehow dangerous, I do understand that there are those faiths and belief systems which do not agree with it. And while I wish it weren't so, these faiths and belief systems are continuing to broadcast their beliefs and impress it on young audiences. And while I don't support the message they are pushing, I do support their right to teach their children what they choose, believe whatever they choose to believe and of course to say their piece. The issue comes in when they take their message a step further by acting in harmful ways against those they do not support.

Any time a group is formed around creating change, it has the ability to create a more positive way. Unfortunately there are people like this, that form groups around creating a negative change. In this case, it's a group who at the moment, is using harassment and boycotting tactics to try and force discrimination.

It's rare that I ask my readers to take action on something simply because I am passionate about it. But ABC corp and DWTS needs to know that for all the negativity this group is creating, there are more of us who don't believe as they do and that we support ABC and DWTS in their support of the LGBT community! Please email ABC and let them know how you feel on this subject. Do not let a single group of bigoted, hateful, intolerant and angry women speak for all of us. You know what they say about the squeaky wheel... So lets not let them squeak louder than we do! Let your voice be heard to ABC and to this "One Million Mom" group!

Contact ABC Here
Contact One Million Moms Here - Their Facebook Page

Thank you to all my readers, as a member of the LGBT community this is a cause which is close to my heart. But even if I was not a Bisexual Woman I can't imagine I would ever be willing to back a group who makes such a drive for discrimination. While they may not be burning crosses on front lawns, they are no better than those groups who do. And simply aren't something which can be accepted!

30 Days of Truth: Day Two

Something you love about yourself...

So, I do my best not to be conceded, but frankly I think I'm awesome! But my absolute favorite thing about myself is my love and drive for knowledge. I have an I.Q. in the genius level if it wasn't for the dyslexia I would test higher... I remember being in elementary school and being told "Knowledge is Power."  I think the difference between me and most kids was I believed it!

My mother and I had, and continue to have, a HUGE difference of opinion when it comes to faith, beliefs, parenting & lifestyles. I am thankful that I don't share most of her opinions and attitudes. But I am even more thankful that she installed in me a great love of knowledge. While other kids were on summer vacations to the beach, we were traveling to historical sites, theaters and museums...

I only wish I had more hours in my day so I could learn more!

30 Days of Truth: Day One

Something You Hate About Yourself?

Okay, so what's something I hate about me? Hmmm...  I wonder if I can pick just one thing... lol!  I am an extremely passionate person, and while I feel my passion is an asset, it tends to mean I overwhelm myself with tasks that I simply can't do. Currently I have 4 blogs, a website in the works, a home businesses with Wildtree, GreenSmoke, TeaPoria and BigCrumbs, affiliate positions with seven different companies, and now I'm in the process of starting a business sewing and selling cloth personal and baby products... Then there is my awareness and charity work - Vaccine Awareness, Slavery, Human Trafficking, Child Abuse, Religious Tolerance, Hunger & Homelessness, ALS and some other Civil Rights causes...  AND, because that's not enough, I'm trying to raise the money to Open an online Metaphysical Shoppe and Education Center...  Then there are my three children, my husband, my house... 

I love my passion! But I hate the way it drives me to stretch myself way to thin!

Check out what else I'm writing!